I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
