This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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