Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
