so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
