White coat. Heels.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I didn't notice because vodka
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
