he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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