I got chris browned last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
