There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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