WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
