I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
