so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
