I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
