You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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