he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and i looked up. we had an audience...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize