Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
