4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
