so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
