I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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