WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
