when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Liz is crying about burritos again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
