just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
