I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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