you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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