Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
