I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize