You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
