No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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