My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize