you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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