I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm both gender and math confused
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
