Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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