hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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