The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
