I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
