She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
