im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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