He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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