i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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