yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
