I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
