shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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