Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
cat food counts as protein by the way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can I color on your dick again?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
