There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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