yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
