Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
