Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
