Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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