Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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