She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
