I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
