I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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