Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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