considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
