Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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