There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
