It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
