That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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