don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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