wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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