I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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