Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
