Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
