You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
