so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
