I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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