To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
