I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
