Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's even glitter on my cock...
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