I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
