I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize