and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
