He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
