Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
