i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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