I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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