You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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