Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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