A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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