Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize