I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
