like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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