just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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