Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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