i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
