woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found your dick twin last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
