I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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