So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
