After last night, I could never be a politician.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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