i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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