Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
