my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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