I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
