you guys were way drunker than both of me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
