girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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