This girl is more easily done than said...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't turn off my feet"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
