So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made out with two different species that night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I want is dick and wine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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