Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
