Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
