I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
