I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
