she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
being pregnant is like rehab
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
