you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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